Why it is OK for you and your child to be angry

20 Mar 2020
What our children need to know about anger

‘Don’t be angry. It’s not OK to be angry.’ Has anyone told you that before? If so, then I have some good news for you. They are wrong. It is ok to be angry. Allow me to explain more.

‘Don’t be angry. It’s not OK to be angry.’ Has anyone told you that before? If so, then I have some good news for you. They are wrong. It is ok to be angry. Allow me to explain more.

The science behind Emotional Logic teaches us that we feel anger for a reason. Something that we value is under threat. This feeling of anger has a useful purpose. It gives us energy to take action, to have our voice heard and to do something to try to prevent the loss of something we care about. We need that anger-inspired energy to push us forward and take action. The problem is, often that action comes in the form of aggressive bargaining. We might insult, threaten or even hurt others. That usually isn’t the most effective course of action and will almost always lead to additional losses for us.

Why is anger OK and what should we do with the energy it provides?

When something we value is threatened, we don’t like it. We don’t want to lose it. That’s because we care about it. It matters to us. We value it. You have values. You care. This is completely normal and something to be proud of. Good people with strong values feel angry sometimes. That’s why anger is OK. It is evidence that you have strong values and something or someone is threatening them. It is perfectly normal to feel angry.

So, if anger in itself is OK, what about all the stuff that follows? Children usually have no problem with feeling anger. It’s their bargaining skills that need work! Anger in our children often leads to aggression. People get hurt, scared, retaliate and things can escalate. This is where the Emotional Logic approach to effective bargaining is so effective. We can help you explore safe places within the family, and de-escalation. You and your children can learn together to bargain assertively and not aggressively or passively. There are proven ways to get your voice heard and to win back losses. Aggressive bargaining is not usually the best way to do this.

Is your child’s response to anger causing problems for you and the rest of the family? Would you or someone you know like to learn new ways to deal with the energy that anger brings? Would you and your family like to learn about ways to bargain effectively and get your voice heard, without the screaming and fighting? If so then contact us. We have helped countless schools and families improve their communication and bargaining skills and we can help you too. Don’t struggle anymore. Contact us today and we can help you.

Written by Christiaan Stirling